dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
