If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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