I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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