We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
