My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
