I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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