he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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