i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
