If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
