I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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