K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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