My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
