there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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