I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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