I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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