UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize