You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Come on in and take your pants off
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