im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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