you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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