guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
