before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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