I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
