9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
