Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
