I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
