I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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