no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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