your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
