now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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