Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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