did you get engaged???
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
40s are totally the cure
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
