So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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