I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
