I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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