I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
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