I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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