that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
