Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
