i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize