I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
