How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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