Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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