is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
