does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
