I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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