wrigley field is MILF paradise
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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