i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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