the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
