it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
