Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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