Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
