yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
