The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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