Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
