Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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