Are we in a gay sports bar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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