i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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