If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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