I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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