I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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