So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
