I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
