WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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