I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
