Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Randomize
