Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
