ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.