With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow