I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.