Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
