cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
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He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's always time for handjobs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"